Remarriage

What a provocative title, huh? This post is a collection of my thoughts and responses to the question, "Do you think that your dad will get remarried someday?"

Short answer: Yes. My father is young, handsome and a very good catch.

Very long and rambling answer follows:

I read somewhere that men who lose a spouse marry faster than women in similar circumstances. There are a couple of different factors in play, but the thing that stuck out to me about the one article I read was that a relatively short period of time between the death of the men's spouses and their remarriage was particularly hard on their daughters. I'm a daughter so that struck a chord with me. The article went on to say that it somehow made it harder for the daughters to work through their grief.

Part of me understands how this could be true. I've thought about how I would feel if my father remarried quickly. "Quickly" is a relative term. So, for this purpose, I'll define that as within 2 years of the death of my mom. It would be easy to see that as a statement about my parent's marriage. If Dad were to call me tomorrow and tell me that he found "someone", I would feel like maybe my parent's relationship wasn't as special as I thought it was if he was able to move on so quickly. I would fear that other people would look at the situation and think the same thing.

However, the truth is that my mom isn't coming back. Having my father sit around lonely doesn't mean that he loved my mom more than if he were to remarry.

Dating and remarriage doesn't have to dishonor the memory of the deceased spouse. It sometimes does in one of two ways: 1) The surviving spouse looks for a "replacement" to fill the shoes of their deceased spouse. They want someone who looks, talks, acts, and thinks just like them. Or 2) they swing way to the other side of the spectrum. The surviving spouse was so in love in their marriage that they have resigned themselves that they will never have a relationship as meaningful as that again so they aren't choosy. They just want someone to do laundry, cook supper and provide companionship. I would have a very difficult time dealing with either one of those scenarios.

The biggest deal breaker for me would be for my father to pursue a relationship with someone who didn't share a genuine, strong faith in Christ. That would spit in the face of the memory of my mother more than anything I could imagine. I can't even begin to tell you how offended I would be. If my father were to introduce a woman to his grandchildren that he wouldn't want Audrey to grow up to be like, would break my heart. I know it's not my decision to make, but that is the one and only thing that is non-negotiable for me and I would speak up about.

So, I guess that's my answer to anyone who might ask. It would be an adjustment, but unless my father was pursuing someone that didn't love the Lord, the adjustment would be managable.