Explanations of pain

The Desiring God site had a good article about Why God Doesn't Fully Explain Pain.

A note from Mom

I've been working on a Bible study with my sisters-in-law and mother-in-law. We've just finished week two and I'm feeling more engaged in this study than in any other one I've done. I can't really explain it. It has lots of "jumping off" points that lend to really great discussions and conviction.

It ocurred to me that I should try to apply some of the things that I was studying. An interesting idea: a person might actually step out and do some of the things they feel God is telling them to do! I amaze myself with my brilliance sometimes. :-) Last week I pulled out a little plastic case full of index cards and wrote down some quotes and verses that I felt God has specifically spoken to me. I posted them around the house.

This past Thursday night, I did the same thing. This time I found a little surprise. As I was pulling out the cards, I noticed one had kind of fallen down and gotten crumpled under the others. It looked like it had writing on it.

I found this verse: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything with prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7. It was written in my mom's handwriting because the index cards had been hers. None of the other cards were written on. I can't tell you how awesome that was. It was like a note from God passed to me by my mom. I know that particular passage meant a lot to my mom and it really applies to some situations I've been dealing with lately.

How to get to Heaven

Ethan told me that he knew how to get to Heaven. I asked him how and he said that he would use a map.

I love that little guy!

What I'd Like for You to Know

I think I referred to this before- I know that Sara put a link in one of her comments once, but I thought I would revisit it because it came up in on my blog-reader today.

This is a link to a post that Molly Piper wrote in regard to losing her baby. A lot of what she has to say can by applied to most anyone that is dealing with a loss.

Thanks for sticking with me!

Almost 6 months

Things I didn't know about death and grief before:



1. Some people that I didn't know very well before have been more understanding about the process of losing my mom than people that I've known for a long time.



2. It makes people uncomfortable so they don't ask me questions about my mom- even when given a perfect opportunity. For example, I had a conversation like this recently:



What are you doing tomorrow?



I'm going to Fort Snelling to bury my mother's ashes.



Oh.



That is seriously the only response this person gave me. People are so afraid of saying the wrong thing that they don't say anything. It's okay if you ask me about how I'm doing and I start to cry. It doesn't mean you did something wrong.



3. Sometimes, like right now, I want to run away.



4. My life has been completely changed and most people who see me have no idea.



5. In some ways, the more time passes, the sader it can be. This is especially true in regard to my children. I see them growing and changing and really miss my mom's presence in their life. I want to show her how incredibly smart Ethan is and how much Audrey has grown from a baby to a little girl. This is the change that has happened since January:

So, I've been feeling sad lately.

Fort Snelling Service

This morning was the internment service for both my mother and my grandfather. Grandpa Rosenfelt passed away last August and Mom's death came just 5 months later. Both were cremated which is why we had some time to wait to do the internment. Those who serve in the military and their spouses are allowed to be buried at a national cemetary. Grandpa Rosenfelt served in the army (I believe). Mom was never in the military, but Dad served in the navy. That's why we were able to do her burial there as well.

As you probably read from my previous post, there are a lot of people buried at Fort Snelling National cemetary. They do many burials every day so they don't allow for long services. They have a very specific way it all works. We drove to a designated place and then a car came to lead us to the place where we would do the service. The Memorial Rifle Squad was there and shot off their guns in salute to Grandpa's military service, they presented a flag to Grandma and a bugler played taps. After that part was finished, Pastor Bert shared some scripture and prayed with us. Fort Snelling only allows 15 minutes to pack everything in. It was short, but I understand that it's a logistics thing. Even with understanding that, it still seemed hard to really wrap my brain around what was really happening.

I took lots of pictures so I could have some memories of today. I don't have any from the memorial service and I feel bad about that, but I would have felt strange taking pictures, too.

I'm looking forward to being able to go back once the grave stone is placed (it wasn't there today) and spending some time processing everything.

I had explained, to Ethan, a little bit of what was going to happen today. I described a cemetary as a place where people go to think about and remember their friends and family who died. Everything happened so fast today that Ethan wasn't sure what to think. But he did say something that was really sweet. We were getting ready to leave and he said, "I want to think about Grandma". He was really distressed that we hadn't talked more about her so I was able to tell him 2 stories about Grandma.

The first thing I told him was how Grandma was so excited when he was born that she came to the hospital right away the next day and since she couldn't hold him right away, she printed off some pictures that Nathan had posted on our website and she hugged those pictures instead! The other story I told him was about how Grandma was supposed to bring Brian to work one day. She ended up making a wrong turn at a detour and getting completely lost. Brian had to call in to work to say that his "transportation was unreliable" and Grandma decided drive to Chanhassen to see us instead so she could spend time with Ethan. She thought that would be a good way to try to make it up to Brian!

Here are some pictures from today.

Some of the group gathered at Dad's before driving to Fort Snelling.

The Memorial Rifle Squad

This woman is thanking Grandma, "on behalf of the President" for Grandpa's service.

Pastor Bert leads the internment service.

Audrey and I hanging out at Dad's before the service.

Audrey and I with the posse.

Mom's "homeys"The family