Hello Germany

My blog had a visitor from Germany today. Hello! So far you get the prize for being the visitor from the farthest away.

It's Thursday so it was another Bible study day. It was a struggle to finish the lesson this week. After my temper tantrum toward God at the beginning of the week, I ended up having a very smooth and uneventful several days. I still struggled through some of the Bible study material.

We're learning about God's glory. I wasn't into it. I know that shows how much I still have to learn about God. My gut reaction to the idea that we exist to glorify God is that it doesn't sound all that great and that it's kind of selfish of God.

It's a wrong attitude to have and I need to work through it. It says something about my pride and how I'm basically saying, "Your ways are higher than my ways, but I prefer mine". That's sin. Sin is serious. I glanced through Job 38 today. Just a brief glance is enough to put me in my place.

I pray for a desire to be able to reply like Job in chapter 42- "I know that you can do all things, no plan of yours can be thwarted. . . Surely I spoke of things I did not understand. Things too wonderful for me to know. . ."

Thank you

Thank you for praying when I couldn't/wouldn't.

The kids are doing alright. Audrey is coughing and both kids have constant runny noses, but they seem to be napping and sleeping at night well. That helps Nathan and I to get our sleep. Nathan has a cough now, but he doesn't need me to stay up with him in the night if he doesn't feel well. So, it's not as much work!

We've had some good days this week. I'm very thankful for that.

More?

After posting last night, I went downstairs and told Nathan exactly how I felt about Audrey being sick. Then I went back upstairs and played around on the computer a little more. At about 10:00, Nathan told me that he had set up a bed for me downstairs so that I could sleep without having to worry about the kids. It was really sweet of him. Unfortunately for him, both kids woke up at about the same time- 5:00am. Just as he was trying to settle Audrey, Ethan hollered for him. My husband takes very good care of me.

The kids did alright today. Audrey is still not feeling great. I spend most of my day wiping the kid's noses. I just don't feel motivated to do any great "mom" things. I just want to go in my room, crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.

Dad just called with news the my mom's sister, Kathy, is in the hospital. Kathy almost died of e.coli poisoning last fall. She is experiencing some of the same symptoms again. Please pray for healing for her. If you know my family, please note that my grandmother has not been told yet. I think they want to wait and see how things go with her treatment. I don't know if Grandma can take anymore news like this. My grandfather passed away in August, Kathy almost died a few months later, and my mom passed away a month ago. That's a lot to deal with for one person. It seems like we can't catch a break.

Fears about prayer

The kids are back from spending the Saturday day and evening with my Aunt and Uncle and cousins. It was a nice break, but Audrey had a little cough before leaving and now she's hacking a lot. It probably would have happened anyway.

I was apprehensive about the weekend. The offer to have someone take the kids was nice, but Nathan is home on the weekends so it's not usually a stressful time for me. I decided that Nathan needed the break. It was nice for him to not have any responsibilities. But I'm back to reality tomorrow.

Monday is looming and I'm sad, frustrated and angry. I've been praying that my kids would be/stay healthy. This is something that is a huge deal to me right now. I'm afraid that the things that I pray for that will make the biggest impact on my ability to cope will be unanswered or answered with a "no".

I have no faith right now. Could someone who has some please pray that my kids would be healthy and be able to get the sleep they need to stay healthy? I know it's terrible to say this, but I don't want another circumstance that draws me in closer to God? It probably shows my lack of knowledge. It doesn't seem like He cares.

Propranolol

Propranolol is the beta blocker that I've been taking since Monday's trip to the ER.
It makes me extremely sleepy. I can't wait to be done with it.
The kids are away for the day/night at my aunt's house. I'm hoping for a full night's sleep.

Delivered from the fire

The day my mom passed away, Mom, Bobbi and I were in mom's room while Dad called someone. We had recently received the news that there was some mass that had shown up on her CT scan. Bobbi reminded Mom of some truths they had learned together in their recent Bible study on Daniel.

They had just learned that there are three different scenarios that can happen when Christians face fiery trials:

1) We’ll be delivered from the fire. God could choose to take the fire away.
2) We can be delivered through the fire. God could sustain us through the hard times.
3) We can be delivered by the fire into His arms. God will meet us on the other side of the fire in eternity.

We had no idea that, in less than 12 hours, Mom's would be delivered straight into Jesus' arms. The fire she experienced was brief.

I was able to spend some time talking with my dad, crying and sleeping today. It was what my body and my spirit needed.

Taking time to grieve

After my trip to the ER on Monday, I started to realize how important it is for me to find a way to reduce the stress on my body. As a stay at home mom, my work day starts before I I take a shower. I'm trying to fit in breakfast for myself before Nathan leaves. I'm running downstairs to start a load of laundry and bring up a load to fold. I'm checking my email with the kids hollering for my attention. On top of just being a mom, my personality gets stressed just by having a messy house. I spend my whole day, following my kids and picking up their toys and sweeping the kitchen floor. If I step on cereal one more time. . . argh!

It's not that I have that many things that are urgent, but I keep telling myself that I'll be able to relax once I finish ______ (fill in the blank). I think I've approached grief the same way. I've been too busy to give myself time to cry and talk to God about it. I know I have a lot to discuss with the Lord and that my grief is deep. When I really deal with it, I need time. My physical body is crying out for a relief from the stress and tension of waiting for that release. Meanwhile, I tell myself that I can't until I finish picking up the books that Ethan and Audrey dumped out in the living room. My blood pressure rises as I finish that task only to look up and see play-doh all over the kitchen floor and in my daughter's mouth. My physical body says, "If you aren't going to take the time to deal with the real issues in your life, I'll help remind you."

Last night, while I was watching The Biggest Loser on NBC, I felt like my throat was tight. I started to think about it. I started to worry a little and be more aware of it. My heart started to feel funny again. Only this time, I felt more of a pressure in the chest as my arms started to feel weak and tingly. The Propranolol that I'm taking kept my heart rate under control, but the anxiety still tried it's hardest to manifest.

As Nathan and I talked later, it became even more evident that my body is telling me that it's time to deal with this now. After showering this morning, I sat in the glider in the living room and looked at Ethan and Audrey and started thinking, "Audrey needs a diaper change and some clothes for today. Ethan needs to be changed out of his pj's, " and I couldn't move. I just didn't have the energy to get up and take care of them. Nathan said he would find a way to take care of them during a meeting he had to be at for work this morning and I went into my room and wept.

I'm not over losing my mom. I'm sad. I called her every day. Having a hard day is like a slap in the face to me. It's a reminder that one of my lifelines is gone. Audrey isn't going to remember my mom and I'm mourning that. Ethan may remember. Mom isn't going to be there when my kids get married. She wont be there for our birthdays. It's not fair and I don't understand.

Please pray that I will be able to handle the demands of being a mom and a grieving daughter in a way that is healthy. Even asking for help can be stressful (If someone else takes the kids, they wont get a good nap or nap at all and when I get them back they are more needy and cranky than they were before. . . you get the idea. There is always something to worry about).

I'm going to have something to eat now. I think that's one of the steps in a healthy grieving process.

My trip to the ER

I've been the dentist every week for the last 5 weeks:
1) Cleaning, 2) Went in for fillings but started crying because Mom had just died a few days prior. They sent me home and told me to come back next week, 3) 2 fillings on the right side, 4) Went in to do 2 fillings on the left side, but was so congested in my nose and draining down my throat that I could hardly breathe when they were working on me. They did one filling., 5) Final filling.
The last filling was below the gum line and I'm still feeling some pain. That brings me to my story for today.
I waited to take ibuprofen this morning, because I wanted to see if it was going to hurt again and I wanted to be able to describe exactly where the pain was coming from. On Sunday, it hurt so bad that I really couldn't tell where the pain originated. My forehead, jaw, teeth, sinuses- everything on the left side hurt. I was resigning myself to the fact that I would probably have to make another trip to the dentist.
I called Nathan shortly after he got to work this morning to ask him about the car. We had been having a few issues with it making a funny noise. We talked about having me call the dentist. I told him that I was trying to wait and see how I felt today. I noted that my left side of my face was feeling pretty numb. As we were talking, my heart started to race. My left arm and my legs felt really weak. I told Nathan that I felt really dizzy, but not to worry and not to come home. I hung up the phone and realized I was having a hard time breathing.
I called Nathan back and said, "Come home. I'm going to pass out." I called a friend who lives in town and she rushed over to take the kids while I tried calling my dentist. Clearly, my reasoning abilities weren't at full capacity. The dentist was busy, but she would call me back. Ok. I decided should probably call my MD. I called the clinic and pushed the number to schedule an appointment. I waited on hold for the next available person for a minute. My heart rate was a little slower, but still faster than normal and felt very dizzy. My face felt numb. My friend told me it was time to call 911.
There must have been no other emergencies in Winsted at 8:45am because Nathan counted at least 10 people that were in our living room when he got home. They arrived quickly. Ethan thought the ambulance, sirens and uniformed officers were great. I lay on the couch as they checked my pulse, gave me some oxygen, checked me for stroke activity (I recognized the tests from when they did them on Mom), checked my blood pressure (138 over something) and my blood sugar (normal- thanks for the Lucky Charms).
The EMT's/first responders decided to treat me as if this were a possible heart attack or stroke and they gave me some baby aspirin with instructions that I needed to chew them before swallowing them. Then they loaded me onto the stretcher and carried me out of the house to the ambulance. Nathan had arrived and rode along in the front. The EMT in the back with me, actually got an IV in on his first try! He went straight for a vein in the inside of my elbow. He couldn't see it, but he could feel it. The stains on my shirt and the blanket they had over me attest to the fact that he found it!
My heart rate had settled down to normal and I felt a lot better. I was still dizzy. I was cold and anxious and it was making me shiver. We made it to the hospital in about 20 minutes. While Nathan admitted me, they got me situated and asked me lots of questions they had already asked.
Once I was in the ER, they did some more blood pressure checks and hooked my up to the heart monitor. The IV was still running and I hadn't used the bathroom for a while before I left. With the additional fluids they were pumping into me, I really had to empty my bladder. No one was with me so I had to holler for some help. Finally, a nurse came. As the first nurse arrived, my heart started racing and I became very dizzy again. A second nurse was coming to hook up some additional heart monitoring stuff and they were able to get a good read on what was happening. Once I felt more stable, I took my trip to the bathroom.
The ER doctor came to see me and asked me to explain, "in your own words", what had happened. I did. Then he asked me if I had any recent stress in my life.
I answered, "Yes".
"Can you tell me about it?"
I immediately started to cry. I know, from some of my posts, it must seem like I'm a basketcase all the time, but the truth is, my life has carried on in a pretty normal fashion. I'm not walking around depressed and sad all day. After taking in everything I said and reading the print outs from the heart monitors, he told me that I was dealing with SVT and something else that is another kind of tachycardia that happens when another part of your heart want to make your heart beat. Well, I had two other areas of my hear that wanted to "help".
He listened to my heart and told me that the heart murmer that he heard was not aortic like my mom's (yeah!), but a more benign murmer. However, he said that if he were me, he would have my doctor do an echo at my appointment on the 29th just to get a good picture and to alleviate any fears I had. He really believes that I am very healthy, just dealing with a lot of stress. I didn't realize that it was that bad, but I guess it is.
He discharged me and gave me a prescription for a beta blocker (Propranol) to help keep my heart rythm under control. It was my choice whether I wanted to take it or not. I decided that I wanted to have it, at least for the time being. I didn't want to go home worrying that it might happen again. I also have some instructions on what to do if it does happen: briefly hold my breath, pinch my skin enough to cause pain, bathe my face in cold water, submerge my head in a sink or cool water or take a cool shower. . . Doesn't that sound fun?
Nathan and I rode home with Tom Henely. I took a nap for about an hour and a half and I'm feeling alright now. I feel a little silly about it and I'm afraid I just blew through the tax refund we were going to use to get a second car, but I was so scared at the time and I think I made the right decision to go in.

Recovering Legalist

I had a powerful revelation this week.

I think I'm in recovery from legalism.

I mentioned in a previous post how, for a long time, I've felt numb when it comes to Bible Study, retreats, and church in general. From the time I was young, I did everything that a good Christian was supposed to do. God used the situations that I was in to make me who I am. And my experiences in a Christian school, church youth group and a Christian college taught me a lot of important things, but it also contributed toward my focus being on "doing" things to be a "good Christian" rather than focusing on drawing nearer to Christ.

I started to view Christianity in a very non-Biblical way. I defined it based on how someone was dressed, what kind of music they listened to, how they raised their children, how they voted. . . That outward focus can too easily lead to feelings of self-righteousness. I've been on a journey of learning that a lot of those things aren't where God puts his priority. And, if for some reason, God chooses to convict me of something specific, it doesn't mean that I need to make sure that everyone else has that same conviction. I just need to be careful that my convictions are coming from God and not something I've just adopted from someone else's opinion.

God's purpose for us is to have an intimate relationship with Him. Isaiah 43:10 says, "You are my witnesses," declares the Lord, "and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me" Getting back to spending time studying God's word and praying, for the purpose of having a more intimate relationship with my creator, is causing me to come alive. That probably sounds corny. That's where I am right now.

The outcome we had wanted

Here is a link to a story of a woman who miraculously recovered from a massive aneurism. Her family had just disconnected her oxygen and were waiting for her to die. She didn't. What an incredible miracle! She was at the same hospital that my mom was at. It was the kind of outcome that we were asking for. I would argue that my mom is currently much better off than the woman in this article!

On a lighter note

My kids are famous (inspired by David and Sarah ).

Getting to know my mom

We went home to Cottage Grove on Saturday. I still don't know how to refer to it. I'm so used to saying "Mom and Dad's". Or "Mom and Dad's house". I've been specifically avoiding referring to it as "Dad's house". It doesn't change the truth of the situation, so I don't know why it really matters how I refer to it.

Dad told me to go ahead and look through Mom's stuff and take anything that I wanted. My mom has a lot of things so I don't anticipate that I'll be done going through everything for quite a while, but I did have a chance to look through some of her books and some of her Bible study guides. Mom and I both went through the Beth Moore study, "Believing God". I did it one year ahead of her. I was curious to see her workbook.

What I found was one of the clearest illustrations of my mom's entire life. The big assignment for that study was to create a timeline of your life and mark all milestones and specific areas where you saw God's hand at work. Mom took her assignment very seriously. There were lots of things indicated on her timeline. And then she wrote notes about each section of her life. It was basically broken down into 12 year intervals. For each 12 year segment, she wrote the theme or highlights of the things that the Lord had been teaching her.

The last segment of her life is full to overflowing with things that the Lord did in her life. As I read over it, it occured to me that many people don't experience as much of God's blessing in 90 years of life as my mom did in 58. And the only thing she had to do was allow God access to all the little corners of her life and trust that the Lord could trade her small dreams for bigger ones. He didn't let her down. It was not an easy journey for my mom. She experienced grief, loss and heartache, but she would tell you that the reward was far greater than any sacrifice that she made.

The end of her timeline said her age: 57. That was last Spring. After the "57" she put a ". . . ." to indicate that her timeline wasn't finished. I cried when I saw that. Little did she know that her timeline was nearly done. I so wish that line extended several more pages, but it's a blessing to have something tangible to hang out to that tells me so much about her.

Pictures

We have hardly taken any pictures since Mom died. I decided to pull the camera out and start taking some pictures. I discovered there were a couple of picture on the camera I forgot about. Ethan has been a bit camera shy lately.

I Will Sing

A Mighty Fortress

"The Lord is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

This morning was the beginning of the new Bible study that I'll be doing for the next 8 weeks. It was really good to be there, but as we got to the end of the session, tears just started streaming down my face. My emotions are so close to the surface right now. It doesn't take much to get the tears started.

I really do miss my mom. This study that started today is one that she's done and I know she would have liked to discuss it with me. To tell you the truth, I've felt numb to a lot of the Bible studies that I've gone to in the past. I think it's easy to allow that to happen when you've grown up in the church, gone to a Christian school, Bible College. . . It's not inevitable, but it's understandable.

I was working on the lesson for Day 1 in my book over nap time today. Today's title is "A Mighty Fortress". I underlined these sentences:
"Christ as our stronghold does not mean life will be easy or trouble free, but rejoice with me that we do not have to live in fear. God's purposes may lead us to the path of suffering, but wherever He leads, we know he protects. He may protect from suffering or through suffering, but the more we know Him, the less we need to fear." Later there was a sentence that said that we should pray to the Father asking Him to "teach us to see His sheltering hand even when that hand takes us through difficult circumstances."

That's what I need to pray right now.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer." II Samuel 22:2

"The Lord will roar from Zion, and thunder from Jerusalem, the earth and the sky will tremble. But the Lord will be a refuge for his people, a stronghold for the people of Israel." Joel 3:16

Calling home- Wednesday

If I had been able to call Mom, I would have called her a dozen times today begging for her help. Ethan wouldn't listen to anything I told him. I yelled so loudly at him that I hurt my voice and I was so angry that I hit his wall. I'm not proud of myself. I've been wondering if my mom could actually see me. I wonder what she would think. I was not at my best.

I would regularly call Mom to ask her for advice on what to do with the kids in certain circumstances. I don't know why I did because she could never remember having any of the problems that I was experiencing. If she did, they were easily resolved. I think Brian and I must have been the easiest children in world as infants and toddlers. I can't speak for the other ages because I hadn't got to the point where I needed advice on elementary school, junior high, etc.,

One of my favorite stories of mom was from this last fall. Mom knew the struggles I was having with getting Ethan to listen. One of her ideas to me was to just "love him". "What does that mean?" I would ask her, "That tells me nothing, Mom!" One Saturday, when we were at my parent's house, Ethan defied Mom. I don't know what she had asked of him, but he clearly disobeyed her. Mom told Ethan that he had to sit for a little while at the kitchen table. I walked in at that point and Ethan looked at me, his eyes full of confusion, and he said, "Grandma said, 'no'"! I looked at Mom and said, "You just need to love him, mom". We laughed. Poor Ethan. He had no idea that Grandma could say, "no". She obviously didn't do it often!

Hypochondria?

13 years ago, When I heard that my mom was going to have heart surgery, I wasn't that concerned. I don't know if I didn't understand that she was actually experiencing heart failure or if my parents just did a really good job of downplaying the situation. I wasn't nervous until one of the doctors came to tell us that she was on the heart pump and that everything was going well with her surgery. That's when it hit me that she was having HEART surgery. That's a pretty serious thing. She came through it fine. I never gave it another thought. After surgery, mom was, in her words, "not a good candidate" for surgery since she had to be on blood thinner once she had the mechanical valve. I never once thought that would be a problem. I guess Mom and Dad were wondering lately how long the mechanical heart valve was supposed to last. I didn't know that. I thought she was set for life. I never worried about her health.

I've never considered myself a hypochondriac, but I've been losing sleep worrying about my health since Mom died. I had my cholesterol tested at a health fair about 5 years ago and it was high. I never followed up on it. The several physicals I had since then, I wasn't at an age where it would have been standard for them to check my cholesterol. I should have told them to test it. I had my blood pressure tested at the drug store earlier this week and it was in the "prehypertension" range. I know I have been under a bit of stress that might be impacting this reading, but it's still on my mind.

Finally, and most concerning to me, I have been told that I have a heart murmur. I've never been told that it's anything serious, but it scares me. That's what Mom had. It was because her aortic valve wasn't working properly. Before she had valve replacement surgery it had calcified down to the size of a pencil eraser. It's supposed to be much bigger. I always downplayed it to my doctors when talking about my family medical history because I thought Mom had said she thought it was due to getting scarlet fever as a child. Within the past year, though, she told me that she wasn't sure that was the case. If it was something that was congenital, than it is certainly something I need to take seriously.

Please pray that I wont be fearful. I need to schedule a physical and ask my doctor what she thinks about my situation. I would suspect and ask that she was do some further examination of my heart to make sure we all know if there are any issues that we need to be aware of. Whether it is rational or not, I'm really very frightened right now. Please pray against that and pray that my heart is perfect!

Calling home about things for which I'm thankful

Things I'm thankful for:

• Audrey slept all night in her own bed last night. She lost her pacifier about 5 times, but she went back to sleep on her own each time we gave it back to her.
• Candy was able to watch Ethan and Audrey while I was at the orthodontist office this morning.
• Vivian came and played with Ethan and Audrey and she cleaned my kitchen while the kids and I napped. She even took Ethan to the potty after he called out, "Bibian (Vivian), I need to go potty". He hollered for her to come play with him when he should have been napping, but he eventually settled down and had a good nap.
• The roads were dry when I went to pick up Nathan tonight.
• Ethan and Audrey both sat on my lap at the same time today and Ethan put his arm around Audrey. It was really sweet.
• A friend from church called and offered to help me out.
• Nathan made supper.
  

In Better Hands

Take a Rest

"Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads. I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28

The Lord gave me rest this afternoon. I'm trusting Him for strength for tomorrow.

Why is it easier to express my frustration to God in regard to my children being sick than to question His will in the death of my mother? Somehow my heart can dig deep to imagine that the Lord will use my mom's death to bring Him glory and accomplish something far beyond anything I could imagine. I believe that He will. I know that He will.

I'm struggling with understanding the big picture surrounding being miserable with colds. Nathan suggested that maybe He wanted to teach us something. That wasn't something I was open to at 2:00am this morning. I know in my heart that God doesn't owe me anything, but I was kind of hoping He would give us a pass on sickness or any other additional burdens right now. This is the perfect example of a situation in which I would have relied heavily on my mom for support. I'm not sure if that makes sense because this situation with the kids wouldn't seem so unbearable without the added grief of Mom's passing.

My grief hasn't stopped the world from continuing as it has since the fall of man. It seems like time should stop for a little while. That's probably going to be a recurring theme in this journey. Thank you for praying for me and my family when I couldn't find the strength to do so myself.

* * * *

Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Isaiah 49:14-16
But Zion said, "The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me." "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me."

1 Peter 1:3-9
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith the salvation of your souls.

Awake

4:27am- Awake.

Have been most the night.

Still praying.

Questions

I've been thinking about prayer lately.

I've had some extra time to think: 1:00am, 1:15am, 1:40am, 2:00-3:30am, etc. . .

Audrey and Ethan are sick. So are Nathan and I. I can barely handle the kid's whining all day and needing to be held all the time when I feel like I am more needy myself right now. I really can't handle the fact that, since Audrey isn't feeling well, she isn't sleeping.

I've been praying about it: Please Lord, help my kids to feel better. Help them to get the sleep they need so their bodies can recover.

And still Nathan and I were up taking turns with Audrey last night. I started feeling ticked off. I mean, really, can't a girl catch a break? I didn't get mad at God when he chose to not heal Mom. Now, I feel like He might owe me one. All I asked was for us to all get the sleep that we needed last night. I know that I don't see the big picture that God sees, but I can't imagine how it brings Him glory for my little girl to cry all night and for Nathan and I to be incapable of functioning.

I have a lot to learn about prayer. Why is is that some people pray for plane tickets or a new car and they get it? All I asked was for a good night's rest.

Calling home

Being a stay at home mom (SAHM) in a family with only one vehicle, most days the only social interaction I have besides my children are my phone conversations. I would call Mom pretty much every day. I miss that. The days drag on longer without them.
I've had lots of friends and family volunteer that they would love to have me call and tell them all the little things the kids are doing and I think I'll take them up on it occasionally, but I think I'll also use this blog as my "call home" because I don't think you all want to hear from me as often as I would call my mom.
Things I would have told Mom today:

• Ethan and Audrey are sick. Their colds are making them clingy and needy. Audrey keeps coughing at night and losing her pacifier. She can't sleep without her pacifier so we make many trips into her room to find it and give it back to her.
• I lost about 1 1/2 pounds this week! Only about 8 pounds until I reach my goal.
• Nathan is down another pound.
• It's cold outside.
• Audrey can make "fish lips".
  

Then, I would have tried to put Ethan on the phone, but he would have been too busy. Any attempt to put Audrey on the phone would have resulted in Audrey pushing all the buttons and disconnecting us.