Audrey's Birthday

Audrey turns 2 tomorrow.


It's bittersweet since Mom is gone. 1/3 of her life has happened without my mom around. I'm feeling sad about it today. Life has gone on and I don't really want it to. It would have been nice to have her around today to see Audrey playing, talking and enjoying life. It would have been fun to see her open a gift that Mom had spent time looking for and specifically picked for her.


I know as Audrey's mom I'm supposed to think she's pretty, but I really think I would think she was gorgeous even if I wasn't her mom. Look at this beauty:

Remarriage

What a provocative title, huh? This post is a collection of my thoughts and responses to the question, "Do you think that your dad will get remarried someday?"

Short answer: Yes. My father is young, handsome and a very good catch.

Very long and rambling answer follows:

I read somewhere that men who lose a spouse marry faster than women in similar circumstances. There are a couple of different factors in play, but the thing that stuck out to me about the one article I read was that a relatively short period of time between the death of the men's spouses and their remarriage was particularly hard on their daughters. I'm a daughter so that struck a chord with me. The article went on to say that it somehow made it harder for the daughters to work through their grief.

Part of me understands how this could be true. I've thought about how I would feel if my father remarried quickly. "Quickly" is a relative term. So, for this purpose, I'll define that as within 2 years of the death of my mom. It would be easy to see that as a statement about my parent's marriage. If Dad were to call me tomorrow and tell me that he found "someone", I would feel like maybe my parent's relationship wasn't as special as I thought it was if he was able to move on so quickly. I would fear that other people would look at the situation and think the same thing.

However, the truth is that my mom isn't coming back. Having my father sit around lonely doesn't mean that he loved my mom more than if he were to remarry.

Dating and remarriage doesn't have to dishonor the memory of the deceased spouse. It sometimes does in one of two ways: 1) The surviving spouse looks for a "replacement" to fill the shoes of their deceased spouse. They want someone who looks, talks, acts, and thinks just like them. Or 2) they swing way to the other side of the spectrum. The surviving spouse was so in love in their marriage that they have resigned themselves that they will never have a relationship as meaningful as that again so they aren't choosy. They just want someone to do laundry, cook supper and provide companionship. I would have a very difficult time dealing with either one of those scenarios.

The biggest deal breaker for me would be for my father to pursue a relationship with someone who didn't share a genuine, strong faith in Christ. That would spit in the face of the memory of my mother more than anything I could imagine. I can't even begin to tell you how offended I would be. If my father were to introduce a woman to his grandchildren that he wouldn't want Audrey to grow up to be like, would break my heart. I know it's not my decision to make, but that is the one and only thing that is non-negotiable for me and I would speak up about.

So, I guess that's my answer to anyone who might ask. It would be an adjustment, but unless my father was pursuing someone that didn't love the Lord, the adjustment would be managable.

Childbirth/Motherhood

I became an aunt today for the first time. I didn't do any work to bring my neice, Chloe, into this world and I'm exhausted! Tim and Erica planned to send a text message to friends and family when they checked into the hospital. They sent a message at about 3:00 yesterday.

Then we waited.

And waited.

After staying up too late and waking my husband numerous times to check his phone for a message and several calls to family to find out if they knew anything, we finally heard from Tim around 9:00am this morning.

It reminded me of the agony that mother went through when I was in labor with our first child, Ethan. Ethan was due on June 6th or 7th (I don't remember now!), but on April 24th, my water broke and contractions started and nothing would stop it. Nathan and I had told our parents to pray for us. Mom knew that we had been transferred to Abbott, but really didn't have many details other than that. She called later that evening to get an update. It just so happened, that was the very time, I was taken to the delivery room so I told the nurse to tell her we would call her back.

The message somehow got confused and Mom thought that they said that I had just had the baby. She waited for a call back. Meanwhile, it took me a good 2 hours of pushing to get Ethan out. She waited for 2 hours thinking that I had the baby, and wondering why I wasn't calling. Since I was over 6 weeks from my due date, she was very worried. Mom had delivered me 6 weeks early and 2 years before that, my brother came over 10 weeks early. So, you can imagine the scenarios she was playing out in her head. I had no idea.

I wish I had known at the time how important it was to my mom to actually be there. Not that she wanted or needed to be in the room. She just wanted to be at the hospital. I felt bad when she relayed her thoughts to me later.

17 months later, Mom was at my house with me when I went into labor with Audrey. We had gone for a walk and had lunch. I took a short nap. I was still lying down thinking about getting up , when I felt my abdomen jolt. I was pretty sure my water had broke. I called my mom over and told her I was going to get up and make sure. As soon as I sat up, it was obvious. She went into action gathering bags and waking Ethan and buckling him in the van and drove me to the hospital. On the way there she timed my contractions. 1 minute apart... less than a minute apart... "Mom, if you don't slow down gently at this next intersection, the car may stop, but the baby will keep coming". She dropped me off at the front door and waited with Ethan in the lobby to hand him off to my dad when he arrived. By the time she came up to the floor where I was, she could hear Audrey's cries. The nurses assured her she could go in and after Audrey had some bonding time with Nathan and I, Mom got to hold her.

I know it doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but when my mom delivered my brother 10 weeks early and then me 6 weeks early, she had to wait to have that physical bonding time. They took us away very quickly. My brother was actually flown to another hospital. So, to have the experience of holding her brand new granddaughter less than an hour later, was a tremendous blessing. Here's a picture of Mom and I looking at Audrey in awe while the nurse finished cleaning her up.